Positivity Downside: What Helps You Can Hurt Others

How a Positive Attitude Nearly Ruined My Close Relationships

Do you have a positive outlook on life?

Having a positive attitude can make a
HUGE difference in the quality of your life.

  • Greater energy with less stress
  • Better health and longer life
  • Greater feelings of well-being
  • Higher levels of success

It’s all good, right? Well, for all the good a positive outlook can have on YOUR life, it can potentially hurt others.

What?

Yep, it’s true. In fact, MY positive attitude nearly ruined my marriage (although I couldn’t see it at the time).

It’s that serious.

Read on to learn what many (most?) people are unwittingly doing to damage their personal relationships at home, work and school.

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Doubt Yourself & Impostor Syndrome: a Global Problem

Learn 3 Ways to Silence the Doubting Voices

“I don’t know what I’m doing”
“I’m out of my league”
“I don’t belong here”
“If others really knew how incompetent I am…”

We ALL have doubting
thoughts at times about
our competence and value.

But here’s the crazy thing: even the people we admire the most, who seem to have it together  and who really are smart and competent… they too struggle with doubts about themselves.

It’s called Impostor’s Syndrome.

A collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. ‘Impostors suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence.

We are not talking about incompetent people being afraid of being found out. Many of the most competent people you can imagine struggle with self-doubt.

For example…

“The exaggerated esteem in which my lifework is held makes me very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler.” – Albert Einstein

Researchers have estimated that up to 70% of the population has experienced the feelings associated with Impostor Syndrome.

I think the problem of self-doubt in general (impostor syndrome being one expression) is a more pervasive problem. I think it is safe to say that 100% of every living, breathing human struggles at times and in certain contexts with the doubting voices.

For example, Mike Cannon-Brookes, the co-founder of Atlassian (a global company with thousands of employees that provides a product used by millions), says…

“Most days, I feel like I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

Why do we often experience self-doubt… even when we have no logical reason to be?

More importantly, how can we quiet the doubting thoughts and legitimately feel better about ourselves?

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When Personal Growth Tips & Hacks Fail You

What to do when a "proven" technique doesn’t work for you

When live gets too hardWhy do you read Wise Insights? What’re you hoping to get from this content?

My guess is you want to learn about research-backed techniques and time-tested insights that can help you…

  • Overcome obstacles and keep you moving forward
  • Understand human mental quirks so you can make better decisions and avoid regrets
  • Become the best version of yourself that you can be (leading to a better life).

To this end, Wise Insights reveals techniques to… 

  • Increase your motivation, joy and influence
  • Reduce your stress & handle irrational fears
  • Grow in your emotional intelligence and intellectual humility
  • Better connect with people
  • and so much more.

But here’s the question for today: What do you do when the techniques don’t seem to be enough to improve your situation?

Read on to learn what I do when the tips, tricks and techniques aren’t doing the trick.

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3 Proven Ways to Boost Your Daily Joy (Research-Backed)

How Your Mood Can Be Less Circumstance Dependent

Circumstance protected joyI have a dream. I’ll bet you share it, too.

I have a dream that I could get to the place where I could experience a deep, sustaining joy… every day.

The kind of joy that isn’t touched by the challenges and storms of life.

Now, I am not naïve. There is no such thing as a happy pill that will make life all sunshine and smiles. I know that life can be difficult. I know the impact of circumstances will affect me until the day I die.

But, wouldn’t it be great if we were able to increase the frequency and experience of the “good days” and decrease the impact of the “bad days”?

Good news! There is. (more…)

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3 Simple Actions to Become a Better You

These Foundational Actions Can Snowball Over Time

There’s not a person out there who doesn’t want to improve their lives. It’s ingrained in us. We want to be the best that we can be.

Image by Rama V.

So why do so few of us actually take the needed steps
to improve our lives?

Much like anything else in life, I think the answer is we
overcomplicate what really needs to be done to be better.

We formulate grand schemes. We layout everything at once.  We look at the big picture.

And then we get hit with the overwhelm.

Taking a look at the overall plan, we see no way to better ourselves.We become paralyzed with analysis paralysis.

Just like our answers should be simple, we can break down a better you through baby steps. Eventually, the baby steps will snowball into breakthrough.

To become a better you, try adding or beefing up these three actions to your life:

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One Simple Way to Improve Your Current Situation

Sometimes a small adjustment can make a big difference

This quote has had a profoundly positive impact on me. In many ways, it changed my life.

“If you don’t like something, change it.
If you can’t change it, change your attitude about it.”
– Maya Angelou

I used to whine about EVERYTHING I didn’t like. Like a malignant Johnny Appleseed, I spread my complaints far and wide to all who would listen.

No wonder people didn’t want to be around me… except for fellow whiners.

Ironically, but not surprisingly, I didn’t always want to be around my fellow whiners. Somehow, I didn’t see the connection.

Here’s how all that changed…

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Reaching Your Goals: the 5-Step Process for Success

Make greater progress by following this formula

We must all suffer one of two things:                                       
the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.
-Jim Rohn

Are you 100% satisfied with where you are in your life? Things couldn’t be more perfect?

Or, if you are like the vast majority of us, are there things – a LOT of things – that could be better…or at least improved upon?

Assuming you do want change, and you are able to see those improvements in your life, what would your life look like a year from now? How about five years from now?

Got that successful “future you” and improved life situation pictured in your head? Good! Now, here’s the tricky part. How do you get there from here?

Remember all those New Year’s resolutions that came to naught? “I’m going to lose thirty pounds this year,” or “This is the year I am going to get my finances in order!”

But it didn’t quite happen.

If it were so darn easy to decide on a goal and make it a reality, this whole life thing would be a piece of cake – that somebody else baked for us.

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Big Promises: Why Some Don’t Live Up to the Hype

Here’s Why You May Not Be Experiencing a Promised “Breakthrough”

Have you ever had a friend recommend something
that they thought was “awesome” or even report that they experienced a breakthrough?

It was something you were eager to try out… yet when
you did, you were underwhelmed?

Then, just about the time you are ready to assign “yah, right…” to then next “this was ah-mazing” claim, you are shocked because, well, it actually was.

Here’s the question: Why is it that, sometimes “great” promised claims turn out to be a bust, and other times they are, to use the word of the old Tony the Tiger commercial… GREAT!

And perhaps more importantly, how do you avoid two equally fatal mistakes:

  1. Falling for every grandiose claim, OR
  2. Turning into a cynical, skeptical critic (who misses out on some great things because you doubt everything).

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Empathy: an “Attractive” Quality That Boosts Your Influence

Here are 5 Ways Improve This Relationship Enhancing Skill

Empathy attracts peopleA secret desire for virtually every human being on this planet is to be seen as attractive by others. I’m not just talking about physical appearance, either.

Attractive [uh-trak-tiv]: A pleasing quality that draws people toward it.

We’d all love for others to be drawn to us like a magnet, to seek us out, to want to be with us, to hang on our words, laugh at our jokes… at least by the people we want to be with.

Can you relate?

We go to great lengths in a number of ways to accomplish this:

  • Outer bodies: Botox, implants, makeup, personal grooming, working out, dieting, getting our hair/clothes just right, etc.
  • Achievement: Leading to status, fame, or wealth (which attracts people)
  • Personalities: People pleasing, being what we think others want us to be (chameleon syndrome) so they like us more.

What is usually overlooked are attractive qualities that radiate from the inside out. These character qualities can draw people toward us… or repel them from us.

Empathy is a powerful inner quality that can help you be a magnet that draws people toward you… and increases their desire to be in your orbit.

“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from his angle as well as your own. ” – Henry Ford

Thankfully, this undervalued people skill can be increased in your life… opening many new doors to a meaningful life with tremendous impact.

Read on to learn 5 ways to improve your empathy skills… and 5 things NOT to do that you might think are helpful (trust me, they aren’t).

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Self-Awareness, Blind Spots & the Johari Window

5 Ways to Better Understand Yourself, and Grow

If you were an executive coach who interacted with
thousands of clients over 30 years…                                                        

… you would probably see certain characteristics
emerging over and over that were “make or break”
qualities
in one’s success.

Dave Yarnes is just such a coach.

One of the qualities he noticed in countless individuals
that seriously limited (or accelerated) their ability
to succeed:

Self-Awareness – Understanding and addressing who you really are, and how you come across to others (but you can’t see)… yet everyone else can see.

In fact, this quality of “self-awareness” is so crucial that researcher Dr. Tasha Eurich called it, “The Most Important Skill of the 21st Century.”

You know people like this, right? People who are oblivious or self-deceived on how they come across.

  • They think they are funny, while others cringe at their insensitive comments.
  • They think they are dispensing wisdom to everyone they meet, but in reality they don’t listen well or frequently interrupt others to give their opinion.
  • They think they are admired for “telling it like it is” but others avoid them because they have zero empathy or caring.

Sure, everyone knows other people who have this issue… but here’s the real problem:

Everyone (yes, that means you and me, too) are blind to certain dimensions of who we really are.

“You can fool yourself, you know. You’d think it’s impossible, but it turns out it’s the easiest thing of all.” ― Jodi Picoult

Here is what executive coach Dave Yarnes repeatedly saw: Until you address your blind spot, you will continue to limit your ability to influence others and succeed at the level you desire.

I’m going to show you an effective method to overcome this blindness… so you can become a more influential, well respected and successful person (at home, at work/school, in life). (more…)

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