If you were an executive coach who interacted with
thousands of clients over 30 years…
… you would probably see certain characteristics emerging over and over that were “make or break” qualities in one’s success.
Dave Yarnes is just such a coach.
One of the qualities he noticed in countless individuals that seriously limited (or accelerated) their ability to succeed:
Self-Awareness – Understanding and addressing who you really are, and how you come across to others (but you can’t see)… yet everyone else can see.
In fact, this quality of “self-awareness” is so crucial that researcher Dr. Tasha Eurich called it, “The Most Important Skill of the 21st Century.”
Has this ever happened to you?
Someone is telling you something…
and you ask a clarifying question to make
sure you are tracking with them.
“Are you saying this? Or that?”
Then, they seem to get impatient with you,
and send you (verbally or non-verbally) a
It can be a slight head shake or a sigh/huff, or just an incredulous look of “Is being stupid your profession, or are you just gifted?” Any way they communicate it, the message is clear: they think you’re an idiot.
There is no doubt being on the receiving end of an “idiot” message is painful. I hate it.
Now, let’s be honest. I think we have all been on the sending side of a dummy message, too. I know I have. Too often I can get impatient with people who don’t understand what I am saying.
Here’s the thing: if you understood the WHY behind that impatient reaction (theirs and yours), you wouldn’t do it to others as often. Plus, when they do it to you, you wouldn’t take it personally because you know what’s going on.
It all has to do with what researchers call The Curse of Knowledge.
I’ll admit, when I learned about it, I was both astonished and perhaps for the first time understood why humans so easily and often misunderstand each other.
Do you have a positive outlook on life?
Having a positive attitude can make a
HUGE difference in the quality of your life.
- Greater energy with less stress
- Better health and longer life
- Greater feelings of well-being
- Higher levels of success
It’s all good, right? Well, for all the good a positive outlook can have on YOUR life, it can potentially hurt others.
Yep, it’s true. In fact, MY positive attitude nearly ruined my marriage (although I couldn’t see it at the time).
It’s that serious.
Read on to learn what many (most?) people are unwittingly doing to damage their personal relationships at home, work and school.
Have you noticed how bad it has gotten ‘out there’
in the real world?
- People quickly and frequently criticize and
even mock other people’s ideas without
giving them a fair hearing.
- Personal attacks on one’s intelligence (‘What
an idiot!…’), a person’s looks, body type, and
- People playing it safe rather than doing
anything that exposes them to the verbal and
non-verbal critiquing of others, or God-forbid…
actually failing in front of others.
- People making CYA and managing one’s image the go-to strategy for life.
Let’s face it… it is hard to operate in this type of toxic environment without getting banged up and living in self-protect mode.
Yet, there is a select breed of people out there (you’ve seen ‘em) who navigate the noxious climate at work, school, business and family with grace, humility and freedom. They seem unruffled and non-CYA in the arrows flying, stone throwing world in which we live.
How are they so impervious to the toxic barbs flying around?
Some of the most admired, magnetic and attractive people in this world share this powerful trait: a healthy form of self-confidence.
No, I’m not talking about an ego-fueled “I’m always right, I’m so awesome, you’re an idiot if you don’t listen to me” type of confidence in self. That is actually a sign you are insecure.
Instead, I am talking about men and women who have
a quiet poise and self-assurance about who they are
and what they have to do… while being free from
self-promotion and ego.
I want to be more like that… don’t you?
Fortunately, this type of quiet self-confidence can be strengthened in you. Keep reading to learn how you can grow this quality in your life.
But first, just in case you doubt whether it is worth the effort to cultivate this quality, here are 7 desirable advantages that come from possessing this healthy form of self-confidence.
Have you ever looked back on a conversation you had and thought, yeah, I definitely should have handled that better? Yep… me too.
A friend of mine told me of her recent regretful
“I called my daughter’s dad to set up a trip
for her to visit him. And he made a couple
of comments about the cost of the flight and
the dates not working for him.
I was instantly mad.
To my credit, I knew what was happening at the time. But like a car whose brakes go out, I couldn’t stop the wreck. I started shouting my “extremely valid” points and making snarky remarks.
With neither of us wanting to deal with each other at that point—we hung up. It was an epic fail.”
Have you ever been in a situation like this? You were able to identify that you were feeling emotional… but felt helpless to stop it?
The great news is that when you learn (yes, it is a process) how to better manage your emotions by raising your “emotional intelligence,” things turn out MUCH better.
Read on to discover 4 compelling benefits from increasing your emotional intelligence (EQ).
“EQ has twice the power of IQ to predict performance [success]. EQ is also a better predictor than employee skill, knowledge, or expertise.” – Gerald Mount
Stop and think for a minute.
Are there people in your world
with whom you’d like to experience a better connection?
Maybe even have them see you in a more favorable light?
- A friend or acquaintance with whom you’d like a stronger, deeper bond
- Someone who hasn’t been responsive to your
interactions with them
- A strained relationship you want to improve
One highly effective method to increase your connection and influence with people around you is to use the misunderstood relational superpower called empathy. (For more on this effective approach, see the article entitled, Empathy: an “Attractive” Quality That Boosts Your Influence)
A second method, called the mirror technique, can also help you increase connection. By mirroring others, the technique taps into a quirk in our brain (called mirror neurons), discovered by neuroscientists.
What’s great about the mirror technique is that anyone can do it, and its effects are quickly seen.
Do you want to make more and better friends wherever you go? Then read on!
A secret desire for virtually every human being on this planet is to be seen as attractive by others. I’m not just talking about physical appearance, either.
Attractive [uh-trak-tiv]: A pleasing quality that draws people toward it.
We’d all love for others to be drawn to us like a magnet, to seek us out, to want to be with us, to hang on our words, laugh at our jokes… at least by the people we want to be with.
Can you relate?
We go to great lengths in a number of ways to accomplish this:
- Outer bodies: Botox, implants, makeup, personal grooming, working out, dieting, getting our hair/clothes just right, etc.
- Achievement: Leading to status, fame, or wealth (which attracts people)
- Personalities: People pleasing, being what we think others want us to be (chameleon syndrome) so they like us more.
What is usually overlooked are attractive qualities that radiate from the inside out. These character qualities can draw people toward us… or repel them from us.
Empathy is a powerful inner quality that can help you be a magnet that draws people toward you… and increases their desire to be in your orbit.
“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from his angle as well as your own. ” – Henry Ford
Thankfully, this undervalued people skill can be increased in your life… opening many new doors to a meaningful life with tremendous impact.
Read on to learn 5 ways to improve your empathy skills… and 5 things NOT to do that you might think are helpful (trust me, they aren’t).
Do you desire/aspire to become a person that others are attracted to?
Do you want people to admire and respect you more (especially by the people that really matter)?
Then, you need an influential character trait that is in short supply these days. In fact, its disappearance in many societies is creating all sorts of problems… and is getting worse.
- Hindering personal growth
- Ruining interpersonal relationships
- Reducing innovation/progress
- Limiting our ability to solve major problems
What’s ironic is that the lack of this trait allows a poison cloud to develop that no one likes experiencing… but everyone still uses when it serves them.
The trait is called intellectual humility… and very few have it these days.
BTW- if you already think you know what it is (and are tempted to skip reading further), that is evidence you don’t possess it.
Here’s what I can promise you… If you can grow in this trait, you can accelerate your personal growth/success. Plus, you will dramatically improve both your relationships and your influence in this world.