If you were to ask 100 people if there are things
about their life they wish would change, I think
it would be a unanimous YES! from all of them.
Heck, I know plenty of things I’d like to see different in my world.
Let’s face it, no matter how good life is at any given moment,
there are ALWAYS things that aren’t the way we’d really
like them to be.
- A better job
- A better living arrangement
- Less debt, more savings
- Lose weight, gain muscle, get in shape, etc.
- Finish school, go back to school
- A better relationship
- 8 gazillion other possibilities
Ok, everyone wants to see things change in their lives… then why do so few make an effort to change?
Because it’s hard! Let’s be honest. It is easier to do nothing (or stop trying) than to make the effort to change something.
What if you learned an easier way to make desired changes… and the results would be greater… would you try (again) to change some things?
From my research, I have found a 5-step formula that CAN help you see greater progress in your efforts to change certain things in your life.
Has this ever happened to you?
Someone is telling you something…
and you ask a clarifying question to make
sure you are tracking with them.
“Are you saying this? Or that?”
Then, they seem to get impatient with you,
and send you (verbally or non-verbally) a
It can be a slight head shake or a sigh/huff, or just an incredulous look of “Is being stupid your profession, or are you just gifted?” Any way they communicate it, the message is clear: they think you’re an idiot.
There is no doubt being on the receiving end of an “idiot” message is painful. I hate it.
Now, let’s be honest. I think we have all been on the sending side of a dummy message, too. I know I have. Too often I can get impatient with people who don’t understand what I am saying.
Here’s the thing: if you understood the WHY behind that impatient reaction (theirs and yours), you wouldn’t do it to others as often. Plus, when they do it to you, you wouldn’t take it personally because you know what’s going on.
It all has to do with what researchers call The Curse of Knowledge.
I’ll admit, when I learned about it, I was both astonished and perhaps for the first time understood why humans so easily and often misunderstand each other.
Do you have a positive outlook on life?
Having a positive attitude can make a
HUGE difference in the quality of your life.
- Greater energy with less stress
- Better health and longer life
- Greater feelings of well-being
- Higher levels of success
It’s all good, right? Well, for all the good a positive outlook can have on YOUR life, it can potentially hurt others.
Yep, it’s true. In fact, MY positive attitude nearly ruined my marriage (although I couldn’t see it at the time).
It’s that serious.
Read on to learn what many (most?) people are unwittingly doing to damage their personal relationships at home, work and school.
Have you noticed how bad it has gotten ‘out there’
in the real world?
- People quickly and frequently criticize and
even mock other people’s ideas without
giving them a fair hearing.
- Personal attacks on one’s intelligence (‘What
an idiot!…’), a person’s looks, body type, and
- People playing it safe rather than doing
anything that exposes them to the verbal and
non-verbal critiquing of others, or God-forbid…
actually failing in front of others.
- People making CYA and managing one’s image the go-to strategy for life.
Let’s face it… it is hard to operate in this type of toxic environment without getting banged up and living in self-protect mode.
Yet, there is a select breed of people out there (you’ve seen ‘em) who navigate the noxious climate at work, school, business and family with grace, humility and freedom. They seem unruffled and non-CYA in the arrows flying, stone throwing world in which we live.
How are they so impervious to the toxic barbs flying around?
Some of the most admired, magnetic and attractive people in this world share this powerful trait: a healthy form of self-confidence.
No, I’m not talking about an ego-fueled “I’m always right, I’m so awesome, you’re an idiot if you don’t listen to me” type of confidence in self. That is actually a sign you are insecure.
Instead, I am talking about men and women who have
a quiet poise and self-assurance about who they are
and what they have to do… while being free from
self-promotion and ego.
I want to be more like that… don’t you?
Fortunately, this type of quiet self-confidence can be strengthened in you. Keep reading to learn how you can grow this quality in your life.
But first, just in case you doubt whether it is worth the effort to cultivate this quality, here are 7 desirable advantages that come from possessing this healthy form of self-confidence.
“I don’t know what I’m doing”
“I’m out of my league”
“I don’t belong here”
“If others really knew how incompetent I am…”
We ALL have doubting
thoughts at times about
our competence and value.
But here’s the crazy thing: even the people we admire the most, who seem to have it together and who really are smart and competent… they too struggle with doubts about themselves.
It’s called Impostor’s Syndrome.
A collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. ‘Impostors suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence.
We are not talking about incompetent people being afraid of being found out. Many of the most competent people you can imagine struggle with self-doubt.
“The exaggerated esteem in which my lifework is held makes me very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler.” – Albert Einstein
Researchers have estimated that up to 70% of the population has experienced the feelings associated with Impostor Syndrome.
I think the problem of self-doubt in general (impostor syndrome being one expression) is a more pervasive problem. I think it is safe to say that 100% of every living, breathing human struggles at times and in certain contexts with the doubting voices.
For example, Mike Cannon-Brookes, the co-founder of Atlassian (a global company with thousands of employees that provides a product used by millions), says…
“Most days, I feel like I don’t really know what I’m doing.”
Why do we often experience self-doubt… even when we have no logical reason to be?
More importantly, how can we quiet the doubting thoughts and legitimately feel better about ourselves?
“I wanted to figure out how to make my life less hectic,
but I never seemed to have enough time to do it.”
Are you feeling it? Are you tired of it?
I’m talking about the hectic pace of life. Too much to do… and never enough time. Hurry, hurry, hurry. Can’t slow down.
Research has now revealed a disturbing dark side to all this go, go, go… even beyond the physical toll it takes.
In fact, the effects of busyness are actually MUCH WORSE than you think … if you desire a life of greater impact and significance.
Here’s why: It is actually preventing you from living the life you really want.
But, the good news is there are ways to reduce the negative effects. Over the last year I have been experimenting with ways to get off the crazy ride of busyness. I am encouraged by what I have discovered.
Ready to get off the crazy ride? Read on.
Has this every happened to you? You had a dream or goal you were pursuing… and it meant a LOT to you.
You were striving and stretching to reach this important goal because you knew achieving it would be so awesome… maybe even a game changer.
- Getting that degree
- Losing 30 pounds
- Getting that promotion or your business to the next level
Yet, when you reached your goal, you found yourself surprisingly underwhelmed by how you felt. Sure, it felt great… but the thrill of victory evaporated as quickly as the morning dew.
I recently learned the science behind why this happens. This common experience has been called the Arrival Fallacy, where the anticipated payoff and the experience of the actual payoff are very different.
Why does this happen? More importantly, what can you do to avoid this empty feeling?
Why do you read Wise Insights? What’re you hoping to get from this content?
My guess is you want to learn about research-backed techniques and time-tested insights that can help you…
- Overcome obstacles and keep you moving forward
- Understand human mental quirks so you can make better decisions and avoid regrets
- Become the best version of yourself that you can be (leading to a better life).
To this end, Wise Insights reveals techniques to…
- Increase your motivation, joy and influence
- Reduce your stress & handle irrational fears
- Grow in your emotional intelligence and intellectual humility
- Better connect with people
- and so much more.
But here’s the question for today: What do you do when the techniques don’t seem to be enough to improve your situation?
Read on to learn what I do when the tips, tricks and techniques aren’t doing the trick.
So many worlds, so much to do,
so little [truly getting] done.
-Alfred Lord Tennyson
Are you like me?
… Motivated to make progress in your life, filled with lofty goals, energized by where you want to see your life?
… but you find yourself spending waaay too much time doing the have-to’s and not the want-to’s?
You know what I am talking about. The have-to tasks demand much of our time, but return very little in the way of satisfaction, energy, or motivation. You just gotta grind them out and get-r-done.
Is there a way to transform the “have to” tasks into “want to” tasks?