Has this ever happened to you?
Someone is telling you something…
and you ask a clarifying question to make
sure you are tracking with them.
“Are you saying this? Or that?”
Then, they seem to get impatient with you,
and send you (verbally or non-verbally) a
It can be a slight head shake or a sigh/huff, or just an incredulous look of “Is being stupid your profession, or are you just gifted?” Any way they communicate it, the message is clear: they think you’re an idiot.
There is no doubt being on the receiving end of an “idiot” message is painful. I hate it.
Now, let’s be honest. I think we have all been on the sending side of a dummy message, too. I know I have. Too often I can get impatient with people who don’t understand what I am saying.
Here’s the thing: if you understood the WHY behind that impatient reaction (theirs and yours), you wouldn’t do it to others as often. Plus, when they do it to you, you wouldn’t take it personally because you know what’s going on.
It all has to do with what researchers call The Curse of Knowledge.
I’ll admit, when I learned about it, I was both astonished and perhaps for the first time understood why humans so easily and often misunderstand each other.
Do you have a positive outlook on life?
Having a positive attitude can make a
HUGE difference in the quality of your life.
- Greater energy with less stress
- Better health and longer life
- Greater feelings of well-being
- Higher levels of success
It’s all good, right? Well, for all the good a positive outlook can have on YOUR life, it can potentially hurt others.
Yep, it’s true. In fact, MY positive attitude nearly ruined my marriage (although I couldn’t see it at the time).
It’s that serious.
Read on to learn what many (most?) people are unwittingly doing to damage their personal relationships at home, work and school.
Have you noticed how bad it has gotten ‘out there’
in the real world?
- People quickly and frequently criticize and
even mock other people’s ideas without
giving them a fair hearing.
- Personal attacks on one’s intelligence (‘What
an idiot!…’), a person’s looks, body type, and
- People playing it safe rather than doing
anything that exposes them to the verbal and
non-verbal critiquing of others, or God-forbid…
actually failing in front of others.
- People making CYA and managing one’s image the go-to strategy for life.
Let’s face it… it is hard to operate in this type of toxic environment without getting banged up and living in self-protect mode.
Yet, there is a select breed of people out there (you’ve seen ‘em) who navigate the noxious climate at work, school, business and family with grace, humility and freedom. They seem unruffled and non-CYA in the arrows flying, stone throwing world in which we live.
How are they so impervious to the toxic barbs flying around?
Some of the most admired, magnetic and attractive people in this world share this powerful trait: a healthy form of self-confidence.
No, I’m not talking about an ego-fueled “I’m always right, I’m so awesome, you’re an idiot if you don’t listen to me” type of confidence in self. That is actually a sign you are insecure.
Instead, I am talking about men and women who have
a quiet poise and self-assurance about who they are
and what they have to do… while being free from
self-promotion and ego.
I want to be more like that… don’t you?
Fortunately, this type of quiet self-confidence can be strengthened in you. Keep reading to learn how you can grow this quality in your life.
But first, just in case you doubt whether it is worth the effort to cultivate this quality, here are 7 desirable advantages that come from possessing this healthy form of self-confidence.
“I don’t know what I’m doing”
“I’m out of my league”
“I don’t belong here”
“If others really knew how incompetent I am…”
We ALL have doubting
thoughts at times about
our competence and value.
But here’s the crazy thing: even the people we admire the most, who seem to have it together and who really are smart and competent… they too struggle with doubts about themselves.
It’s called Impostor’s Syndrome.
A collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. ‘Impostors suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence.
We are not talking about incompetent people being afraid of being found out. Many of the most competent people you can imagine struggle with self-doubt.
“The exaggerated esteem in which my lifework is held makes me very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler.” – Albert Einstein
Researchers have estimated that up to 70% of the population has experienced the feelings associated with Impostor Syndrome.
I think the problem of self-doubt in general (impostor syndrome being one expression) is a more pervasive problem. I think it is safe to say that 100% of every living, breathing human struggles at times and in certain contexts with the doubting voices.
For example, Mike Cannon-Brookes, the co-founder of Atlassian (a global company with thousands of employees that provides a product used by millions), says…
“Most days, I feel like I don’t really know what I’m doing.”
Why do we often experience self-doubt… even when we have no logical reason to be?
More importantly, how can we quiet the doubting thoughts and legitimately feel better about ourselves?
Why do you read Wise Insights? What’re you hoping to get from this content?
My guess is you want to learn about research-backed techniques and time-tested insights that can help you…
- Overcome obstacles and keep you moving forward
- Understand human mental quirks so you can make better decisions and avoid regrets
- Become the best version of yourself that you can be (leading to a better life).
To this end, Wise Insights reveals techniques to…
- Increase your motivation, joy and influence
- Reduce your stress & handle irrational fears
- Grow in your emotional intelligence and intellectual humility
- Better connect with people
- and so much more.
But here’s the question for today: What do you do when the techniques don’t seem to be enough to improve your situation?
Read on to learn what I do when the tips, tricks and techniques aren’t doing the trick.
I have a dream. I’ll bet you share it, too.
I have a dream that I could get to the place where I could experience a deep, sustaining joy… every day.
The kind of joy that isn’t touched by the challenges and storms of life.
Now, I am not naïve. There is no such thing as a happy pill that will make life all sunshine and smiles. I know that life can be difficult. I know the impact of circumstances will affect me until the day I die.
But, wouldn’t it be great if we were able to increase the frequency and experience of the “good days” and decrease the impact of the “bad days”?
Good news! There is. (more…)
There’s not a person out there who doesn’t want to improve their lives. It’s ingrained in us. We want to be the best that we can be.
Image by Rama V.
So why do so few of us actually take the needed steps
to improve our lives?
Much like anything else in life, I think the answer is we
overcomplicate what really needs to be done to be better.
We formulate grand schemes. We layout everything at once. We look at the big picture.
And then we get hit with the overwhelm.
Taking a look at the overall plan, we see no way to better ourselves.We become paralyzed with analysis paralysis.
Just like our answers should be simple, we can break down a better you through baby steps. Eventually, the baby steps will snowball into breakthrough.
To become a better you, try adding or beefing up these three actions to your life:
This quote has had a profoundly positive impact on me. In many ways, it changed my life.
“If you don’t like something, change it.
If you can’t change it, change your attitude about it.”
– Maya Angelou
I used to whine about EVERYTHING I didn’t like. Like a malignant Johnny Appleseed, I spread my complaints far and wide to all who would listen.
No wonder people didn’t want to be around me… except for fellow whiners.
Ironically, but not surprisingly, I didn’t always want to be around my fellow whiners. Somehow, I didn’t see the connection.
Here’s how all that changed…
We must all suffer one of two things:
the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. -Jim Rohn
Are you 100% satisfied with where you are in your life? Things couldn’t be more perfect?
Or, if you are like the vast majority of us, are there things – a LOT of things – that could be better…or at least improved upon?
Assuming you do want change, and you are able to see those improvements in your life, what would your life look like a year from now? How about five years from now?
Got that successful “future you” and improved life situation pictured in your head? Good! Now, here’s the tricky part. How do you get there from here?
Remember all those New Year’s resolutions that came to naught? “I’m going to lose thirty pounds this year,” or “This is the year I am going to get my finances in order!”
But it didn’t quite happen.
If it were so darn easy to decide on a goal and make it a reality, this whole life thing would be a piece of cake – that somebody else baked for us.