Have you noticed how bad it has gotten ‘out there’
in the real world?
- People quickly and frequently criticize and
even mock other people’s ideas without
giving them a fair hearing.
- Personal attacks on one’s intelligence (‘What
an idiot!…’), a person’s looks, body type, and
- People playing it safe rather than doing
anything that exposes them to the verbal and
non-verbal critiquing of others, or God-forbid…
actually failing in front of others.
- People making CYA and managing one’s image the go-to strategy for life.
Let’s face it… it is hard to operate in this type of toxic environment without getting banged up and living in self-protect mode.
Yet, there is a select breed of people out there (you’ve seen ‘em) who navigate the noxious climate at work, school, business and family with grace, humility and freedom. They seem unruffled and non-CYA in the arrows flying, stone throwing world in which we live.
How are they so impervious to the toxic barbs flying around?
An Enviable Group to Emulate
The people who are able to gracefully handle the personal attacks of life possess and cultivate the powerful quality of ‘healthy’ self-confidence.
Not the ‘look at me, let me remind you of what I’ve done and why I am so sure of myself’ type of confidence (that’s actually a form of insecurity).
No, I’m talking about a quiet, self-assured confidence in who they are, freeing them from being self-absorbed and self-protecting. They are some of the most successful, well liked and respected people out there.
I don’t know about you, but I want to be more like that… unruffled by the waves caused by people and circumstances that surround me, free to contribute ideas and be myself.
This article will explore the qualities or traits of this type of healthy confidence… and how you can become more like this.
Ready to grow in this direction? Let’s dig in…
The Surprising (Encouraging!) Truth About Secure Confidence.
If you were to ask 100 people if they would like to have more of this secure confidence and be more fearless going through life, I would imagine almost all would privately say ‘absolutely!’.
But wanting something and obtaining something are often miles apart.
I mean, some people seem to naturally possess this quality while the rest of us struggle with our fears and confidence. Right?
This is where the truth surprised me. It turns out that research has clearly demonstrated this quality as being ‘growable.’
In other words, this quality is like a muscle. By applying certain techniques over time, you can watch your healthy self-confidence grow.
I can attest to this. When I started working on growing this muscle, I was amazed as to how much stronger this quality got. It was literally energizing to see how different I felt.
But, I digress…
For the remainder of this article, I want to reveal 10 powerful qualities or traits of a person with healthy self-confidence.
Understanding and regularly reflecting on these qualities is the first step toward growing in them.
10 Attractive Qualities of Secure Confidence
There are numerous benefits from possessing a healthy, secure self-confidence in yourself. You can read about 7 of them here (7 Compelling Advantages of Having Quiet Self-Confidence).
Quiet, secure self-confidence is a constellation of qualities that can be seen in the way a person acts, speaks and carries themselves. Here are 10 qualities to consider.
1. Secure in and comfortable with who they are
Unlike most of us, people with the healthy type of quiet confidence don’t feel a need to prove themselves to others.
They are secure with who they are to the point where they are free from needing others to like, admire or respect them.
They are not like a chameleon with different people or crowds, always trying to fit in. Instead, they are internally grounded and secure, so they don’t live for other’s approval.
If you want to improve your self-worth, stop giving other people the calculator. –Tim Fargo
They don’t see every situation as a referendum on their worth. Instead, they know that is already settled.
The next set of qualities demonstrate a fearlessness in how they live.
2. Not afraid to make decisions.
Often, indecisive people are afraid to make the ‘wrong’ decision because of the reactions of others if things don’t turn out as hoped.
Instead, the quietly confident person is ok with not being infallible or “perfect” in their decision making.
They are internally secure enough that they don’t need to be applauded for a good decision, nor afraid of the fallout from a bad decision.
As Dave Ramsey says,
I make a decision and if it doesn’t work out, I make another decision.
3. Not afraid to take risks, make mistakes or fail.
It is always easier to ‘play it safe’, not stretch yourself but stay in your comfort zone, or not even try “risky” things.
But quietly confident people know that the richer, more satisfying life is found on the other side of risks and even failures.
Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear. – George Addai
Outside the “you can’t do that” negativity and “what if you fail?” fears is where you can fly and be fully alive (as you fulfill your potential).
Quietly confident people aren’t afraid to fail because they technically don’t fail… they either succeed or they learn and grow from the experience.
The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one. – Elbert Hubbard
4. Don’t offer excuses or blame others
When people with healthy self-confidence screw up or fall short, they don’t make excuses or point a finger at others.
They are not in reputation damage control or blame shift mode.
Instead, they are secure enough in their worth to take responsibility for their choices, own what is theirs, learn from it… and move on.
A man must be big enough to admit his mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, and strong enough to correct them. – John C. Maxwell
This quality is one that separates those with quiet, secure confidence from those who seem confident, but who are really insecure in their confidence, unwilling or unable to “look bad” due to their fragile egos.
5. Freely admit being wrong or not knowing the answer.
Truly confident people don’t mind being proven wrong. They believe finding out what is right is a lot more important than being seen as right.
No one should be ashamed [or afraid] to admit they are wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that they are wiser today than they were yesterday. – Alexander Pope
People who possess a quiet confidence will quickly admit they are wrong or don’t have all the answers. They recognize only God knows all the answers.
A wise man never knows all. Only fools know everything. – African proverb
To them, life isn’t about looking competent ALL the time. They know trying to live that way is exhausting and unrealistic.
People who are right most of the time are people who change their minds often. – Jeff Bezos
6. Stand up for what they believe in.
People with quiet confidence know what they believe and are resistant to manipulation, intimidation or fearful consequences. They aren’t afraid to say what needs to be said.
“Stand up for what you believe in and know is right… even if you have to stand alone.”
Remember, they aren’t driven to be liked or to fit in. To them, their convictions reflect who they are. They won’t sacrifice who they are just to avoid social consequences.
Think Rosa Parks who was told that because she was black she had to sit in the back of the bus or go to jail… but she quietly and confidently kept her seat near the front of the bus.
7. Not afraid to ask for help
Sometimes, we are afraid to ask for help because we see it as a sign of weakness or incompetence.
What would people think of me?
But people with a secure sense of self-confidence are comfortable with the truth that they don’t know everything, and can’t do everything all by themselves.
Sometimes it takes more courage to ask for help than to act alone. – Ken Petti
Those who have a quiet, humble confidence know some people are better at certain things than they are. Why not learn from them?
They choose to keep moving forward, even if it means seeking outside help.
8. Able to say “no” or disappoint people.
Once again we see evidence that a person with secure self-confidence is not ruled by fear of other people’s opinions and approval.
Instead, they are able to withstand the negative reactions of others because they are not people pleasers or approval hounds.
They are free to pursue what’s best for them (including helping and serving others as long as it fits within their capacity to do so).
“It’s only by saying no that you can concentrate on [and say yes to] the things that are really important.” – Steve Jobs
9. Avoids putting down or gossiping about others.
People with quiet confidence don’t just handle themselves a certain way. They also treat people differently.
They don’t feel the need to tear others down or highlight other people’s flaws to make themselves look or feel better in comparison.
“Gossip says as much about the person sharing it as the person it is about.”
One of the signs a person is insecure, lacking healthy self-confidence is a continual need to point out or feed on the faults and mistakes of others.
10. Stands up for others.
Quietly confident people are not afraid (there’s that word again!) to bear the wrath or ridicule of others in defense of those needing defending.
They are free to do the right thing without worrying about what others will say or think about them.
After reading the above list, it is not hard to see why these type of people are liked, admired… and free to be their best selves.
Which of the 10 qualities do you wish you had more of? Leave your thoughts below!